Sometimes change is self inflicted (starting a lifestyle change, moving, taking a new job) and sometimes its completely out of our control (a pandemic, a new boss, different processes at work or school, friends or family moving away). Either way, do you ever pause to think about how you react to change and how this reaction can impact everything that happens next?
If you haven't done a deep dive into your natural reaction to change, well buckle up! Its only when we can recognize and show mindfulness to our actions that we can help steer ourselves towards a healthier place.
So lets take a moment to examine some typical reactions to change and walk through how we can take control of what happens next....
Do you run or have a "flight" reaction?
Do you avoid conflict? talking about change? Avoid diving in to discover the why? Jump to conclusions and make up your own stories? Let assumptions and these self made stories dictate your next move?
Do you put up your boxing gloves and have a "fight" reaction?
Do you resist immediately? Look for and emphasize how the change is ruining your life? Think of how you will make sure the change won't happen or refuse to learn how it may actually benefit you? Do you undermine the person that is responsible for the change?
Do you freeze in the face of change?
Do you find yourself procrastinating, staying stagnant, unmotivated and unable to take action towards the change? Are you a perfectionist, waiting for the "perfect" time to make a change? Do you feel fearful to take the next step or leap into the change because of not knowing what the outcome will be?
As with all reflex reactions, we often beat ourselves up for even having them. But even though we can't control the thoughts that pop into our heads, we can control what we do next and how we allow these thoughts to infiltrate our lives.
So how can we work to develop the skills needed to create the best outcome possible? There is absolutely not one or two right answers but there are some practices you can start incorporating into your life that may help steer you in the right direction.
Make the decision to approach the change with a questioning attitude to truly understand not only why the change is happening (in the case of uncontrollable change) but also why you are reacting this way.
- Are you pulling from previous situations that didn't turn out well?
- Are you listening to the voice in your head from 10, 15, 20 years ago saying you are not good enough or can't handle this hard situation? This negative highlight reel can be absolutely detrimental to lifestyle change.
2. Take time to reflect. When a change is happening around you, take a step back and write down your thoughts and reactions to the change (use the fight, flight or freeze reactions outlined above as a starting point to help you identify your own reaction to change). Often seeing it and reading it back on paper helps us remove ourselves from our emotions and look at them objectively. Only then can we start to take rational steps in the right direction.
3. Create small goals to change your own behavior, remember every action you take is a vote for the person you want to be! Align these goals with your "Why", your purpose, your values.
Examples:
- Changing who you surround yourself with or hang out with at work (especially if they are extremely negative about new situations or change)
- Thinking of and writing down times you dealt with change in the past and
succeeded and set goals to ensure you will repeat those actions.
4. Write down affirmations that challenge negative thoughts. By writing down and saying out loud how you will be successful with the change or create the outcome you aim to achieve you are making the conscious effort to shift your mindset towards positive outcomes.
5. Finally, check in with yourself and hold yourself accountable to your goals and values. Having a system to measure how you are doing- like weekly check ins, visual tracking or asking people you trust are all great ways to check in.
It is important to remember it is always okay and encouraged to ask for help. If you find yourself unable to move towards or deal with changes going on in your life, talking with a mental health professional could be the best next step for you. Having a third party to talk to is never a bad idea to keep emotions or history out of the equation. Change is hard! But with some thought and effort, you can move towards a more positive outcome.
Looking for a good read that relates to this topic? Emotional Agility by Susan David is an amazing book to help get you unstuck, embrace change and thriving! Buy it here
Comments