Take a minute to think about defining moments in your life, ones that you vividly remember and you can clearly make a connection to how it has influenced the person you are today. There is power in these moments and the power lies with you. You can decide to let these moments add to your negative highlight reel or you can decide to use these moments to serve you and contribute to a positive outcome and a better life.
There are many moments that have shaped the person I am today, it's honestly hard to choose, but two in particular come to mind as I sit down and reflect. To be honest as the moments occurred, I was not thinking, "this is it! I need to think and live this way" and POOF it changed my perspective on life. It actually occurred to me some time after, how these moments with two of the most influential people in my life served as building blocks in creating an appreciation for my own self-worth and in turn has impacted my life's trajectory.
So what are these defining moments you ask? Well, the first is the moment my very calm, very understanding, very supportive father lost his sh*t during a travel softball game because I very loudly and wholeheartedly said to myself "I suck" as I grounded out for what felt like the hundredth time that weekend. In the moment, all I remember is this very out of character action my father was having and not connecting that it had anything to do with my negative self-talk or self-pity. It wasn't until after I had a chance to reflect and process the situation that I understood his anger was not coming from the fact that I did actually suck or even that I was in a huge slump, but because he saw the value in me and he just couldn't take to hear me beat myself down.
Fast-forward about 5 years, sophomore year in college. I am playing Division 1 softball, coming from being a very big fish in a small Long Island pond to a Division 1 CAA team that held its own in the conference year after year with players from all over the country. Talk about serious self-doubt. I played very intermittently my Freshman year and was really hoping for a chance to get on the field sophomore year. I cut down on the partying, started understanding how to fuel my body and was working my a** off in the weight room and on the field. I wanted nothing more than to get out there and show everyone what I had, this is what I worked so hard for, this is WHO I WAS. Well, it did not happen. I had a series of attempts or pinch-hits that I just did not do enough to show the coaches that I can be a consistent player on the field. Cue the negative highlight reel, excuses and self-pity seeping back into my mindset. I was even seriously considering transferring and giving up, starting over and getting out of town! Cue my now husband, the most growth mindset person I know, who even back then understood the power and value in failure. He was calling me out. It was hard to hear and honestly, I did not want to hear it, but in those moments where he challenged me, challenged my mindset, my motivation, he was helping to build something inside me that would come to impact every aspect of my life.
As an adult, and after reading the book Emotional Agility by Susan David, I had a realization to not only why these moments were so defining for me, but also why I was reacting to situations in my life as if I was batting under .200. I realized when you define yourself as your role (I am talking to you MOMS), your status, your profession, your title then you become threatened by anyone that challenges this, you become fearful to take chances, you beat yourself down when you fail in the very thing that defines you because then YOU are the failure.
So what needs to change? We need a shift in mindset. Our roles, professions, titles do not define us; they are merely a part of your story, our journey. They are NOT the destination or final stop. You have to believe that you will constantly grow, learn and find success in your failures. When you shift your mindset this way, you will see your story is ever evolving and not one point in time, you see an opportunity to grow, learn, be open to other perspectives and take chances to LIVE BIG and form true connections!
I can honestly say, these defining moments have directly contributed to me getting on the field Junior and Senor year, gaining accolades, forming relationships with teammates, being voted team captain, taking the chance at going back to school for the profession I love, standing up at a conference after having my second child 4 months earlier and saying "I want that job" that turned into a job that has opened door after door for me, traveling to places I could never even imagine AND writing this blog. I learned putting yourself out there, getting in the ring (or on the field) and taking chances, giving it your all are all part of your story and if I fail....I am not the failure. I have actually succeeded.
I am beyond thankful for the amazing life lessons athletics and these two influential men in my life have taught me. These moments have given me the prospective needed to have courage, put myself out there, dream big and continue to live life with an open mind. There is always more to learn and failures to learn from and THAT is something I can get excited about every day.
I challenge you to think about what is defining you. How is this holding you back or helping you grow.... personally, professionally and in your relationships so you can change your highlight reel and LIVE BIG.
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